Warning: This is a huge rant with lots of colorful language and childish point-of-views.... make sure you can handle it before you proceed. And since you've been warned, no whining.
Okay...I've got to blog about this. I've tried, and tried, and tried to just not give a shit. I can't let it go. I don't care how crazy that apparently makes me. It's disgusting, it's wrong and it's creepy......
My baby brother (21--an immature 21, let's call him 17ish) is living with (when I say living with, I obviously mean "being molested by") a woman that was about 20 when he was born. When I say about 20, it's because her aged isn't exactly known. She's says shes 36, but small-town chronologics (I know this isn't a word....it is now. Use it.) say otherwise. Being from a small town, we're talking no more than 1200 people-- everyone knows everyone, and who their brothers, sisters, cousins, ex-boyfriends, best friends, enemies, etc. are. Basically you can't cheat on your boyfriend without him finding out WHILE it's happening. Not that I would know.
Anyways, hick-ville math: I'm 26 and graduated in 2003. I have no recollection of her 'group' so she's too old for me to remember her in her youth. She's a skank so she partied well into and out of my day. The Husband is 29 and graduated in 2001 after "taking a year off" (hahahaha! We'll talk about that later.), and he knows she's older than his oldest brother. The Husband's oldest brother is 35 and graduated in 1993, which is about the time her little brother graduated, so I know she's older than that. My uncle is 39 and graduated in 1990, and can kind of remembers her....so that's putting her between 38 (she's a few yrs. older than her brother who is 36ish) and 40. A mutual friend said she just turned 40 in July. So there you have it. Small-Town Chronologics. *Gasp* I feel inbred just proof-reading that.
So she's 38-40, has a 14 year old and an 8 year old....that's right folks. If you did quick math just now, The Brother is closer in age to her 14yr old son. Weird enough? No?? Well, this same woman, a decade ago, (allegedly--I would bet my left boob that it's true) engaged in a 3some with a good family friend and our cousin--who was raised in our home from the time he was 14, so he's more like a brother. (Gawd, we are rednecks. Where's that sawed off shotgun so I can end this misery???!!) Still not weird enough? She's less than 10 years younger than my mother. "Brother, that's like doing your mom...I don't care how fake her tits are." Yeah, that was a real statement. Yep, you guessed it...that didn't go over so well. Neither did the comment I left on his New Years status (facebook)....it said, "I love my girlfriend's big, fake boobs...oh yea, Happy New Year." So instantly I said, "Is that sorta like a '67 chevy with a brand new tranny????" That got me deleted. I fought the urge. I did, but my wits are meant to be shared with the world. What can I say??
They can't possibly have anything real in common. They are generations apart. Besides the lack of things in common, in a developmental sense: she's so far ahead of him. There's no possible way they connect. I know this woman. As a matter of fact, knowing her history (she dated a junior in high school while working as the high school secretary...classy chick, ey?), when The Brother turned 18, I warned her to stay away. And don't get me totally wrong, for 40--she looks ok. What about when he's 30 and she's 50? 40 and 60?? He has so much to learn and live...She's already trashed her twenties, dreaded her 30s, made a career, had kids, been married and divorced, fell down and picked herself up and has become as close to an adult as she will. What about him? Why would she rape him of that chance? All to fuck a kid? Hells bells...I'm all for dipping in the kiddy pool to feel young again, but you don't become a regular...and you sure as shit don't shack one up in the toy room for you to play with at your disposal. There's laws against that shit, right?? AND HIM???! BARF. There's nothing wrong with bending Mrs. Robinson over to show her the innovations she's missed over the last couple of decades, but you don't volunteer yourself to feed her jello. Am I wrong??
Right now he has no job, no income and lives with this old lady. His car needs tires that he obviously can't afford to buy, so my mother trucks him in between towns when he's ready to come home for a few hours or whatever. Mom is obviously paying his car payment, car insurance, and that oh-so-necessary iphone bill. He's a user, and it's disgusting...I'm stick of it. By the time I was his age, I had been working for 7ish years. I had anywhere from 2-4 jobs and made my way. My parents were SO strict on my bills, it cause me physical illness. Seriously---panic attacks and migraines. At 18. Nice, huh? One time, I was a day late on my car payment. The loan had my mother's name as co-signer, and she threatened and followed me wanting to take my car--even though the bank's grace period hadn't even come close to being up. I had to sell my diamond jewelry that I got for my birthday, some cds, clothes and other random junk a teenager shouldn't HAVE to part with. She didn't like me, what I was doing with my life at the time, and who I was dating. So? She did everything in her power to make my life suck. And when I let it get to me, it did. Mostly because I felt so alone. And this same woman, the SAME mother is totally okay with the cougar situation. Mom and Mrs. Wrinkle Face are friends on Facebook, have gone out on a weekend night together, sat together at The Brother's softball games and who knows what else (they try to keep me in the dark)....ewww. I'm a mother. I have a son. Just thinking about it in a hypothetical sense, I want to slay a bitch. I can't imagine being ok with some woman close to my age pawing on my son. It's like molestation. It makes me question my mother's sanity. I'm supposed to be the crazy one, and yet I'm pretty confident that I'm the only one with a functioning brain.
So, my brother and I fight about it when he's actually not banning me from his life. My mother and I fight about it, because she's his all mighty protector. The kid could spread shit on the walls and she would be the first in line to pay to see it. It doesn't matter how wrong something is, if The Brother partakes, The Mother agrees. These people are driving me crazy. They get together and discuss how nuts I am. "What is your problem with her??!" Other than her wrinkled parts on my brother's diapered parts????? Too much? I'm straight like that. It's not like a haircut I don't care for or a shirt I think he should return.... Not to mention what kind of issues she must have if she doesn't see a problem bringing a 21 yr old child into her childrens' lives as a 2ndary role. There has to be something screwy up there. I hear, "Why is that your problem?" Well let's see...why is this my problem?? It's a life decision that effects us all. He's bringing someone into our family. They LIVE together..not just hang out on weekends. The holidays were so uncomfortable. The lack of conversation about holiday plans because no one wants to "piss me off" when I hear Old-Sluts-McGee is involved. I don't expect my parents to be mean or rude, but why engage at all? They sure were assholes to My Husband until 2 years into our relationship. This whole cougar thing is just gross. Not that I care what people think, but it is embarrassing hearing the comments and getting asked my opinion on it. I've kept it to myself or amongst close family for long enough...I've got to get outside views.
How long am I supposed to wait patiently for this to blow over?? It's been 6(ish?) months....
Do I even have the right to condemn this relationship?
Honestly, I don't want to have a conversation with him until she is gone. That's not fair is it? I can't help it. I try, really I do. But I can't go deeper than small talk, because a live-in girlfriend is a pretty big part of his life. A part I would like to set on fire.... (no threats. I'm a lover. But if she experiences self-combustion, I'm not putting her out.)
How do I connect with my mother on this? I don't want her to give him the hard time she game me, but why make it so easy for them (ie driving him around, paying his bills, etc.)?? I don't even want her to be mad at my brother. I get it, he's her baby....but for fuck's sake tag a cougar, ya know??? Instead she puts junk on facebook like, 'it's a new year and some people are going to let old arguments...' blah blah I don't remember. She did end it with a pitiful sad-face. That was posted only minutes after the last insane confrontation I had with The Brother...because of course, the first thing that he does is turn me in. It's so easy to stay young when you're constantly pulled into adolescent situations. AND I HATE when it feels like she backs him against me....I was having a shit sundae of a day and her post was the cherry on top. So I exploded. I'm not one to blast personal drama on FB, but I lost control. This was my comment on her status:
"don't be a vagina. say my name. i don't care. new beginnings is exactly what i'm taking on. i'm cutting people from my life that only cause me stress and hassle. you may be okay with your son being molested by a 40 year old woman but i am not. i've waited patiently for months for this to pass but i'm done. i'm out. you know it's wrong, but you're so afraid of making him angry at you that you pretend it's 'whatever makes him happy.' what about when i had to sell my jewelry, clothes and other items an 18 yr old girl shouldn't have to give up just to keep a car even though it wasn't late with the bank? and why? so you wouldn't take it because i was dating a man (who is now the father of my children) you didn't like!!!!!!!!!!! what about that hell????? that wasn't nearly as destructive. and i had to FIGHT. you're LETTING a woman who is less than 10 yrs younger than YOU house your son. and why??? because you can sleep a little easier knowing that 1. she's too old to knock up. 2. he's being mothered when you're not around. you're just as disgusting and i'm thru. hello facebook, look who has had enough and has lost their temper????!!! am i really living in the middle of a back-door, hillbilly hoe-down, maury povich worthy drama???? i'm supposed to be the crazzzy one??? i think i'm the only one with a functioning brain."
Yep. I blew up. Should a person talk with such a sharp tongue to the person that granted them life?
Nope. My temper absolutely did get the best of me, but I still hold my opinion. And there was nothing but truth in those harsh words, no matter how quickly she deleted it. They all know I'm right, and I hate saying that because I'm not a "right fighter," but it feels like it's so black and white. Simple. Easy. I don't want everyone to trash talk The Brother and hate on him, or whatever else.....I just want someone to say, "Gross. What is wrong with that woman that she's okay sexing a child???" That's all. Just say it's wrong and don't make things convenient and joyous... If he's bummed that he can't interact as a couple with the family...he'll be pissed for a while, but he will find a different counter-part.
Who knows?? Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong....I know my bloggy friends will set me straight...so have at it!
I know I feel loads better spitting it out there.
PS: I'm sending this over to Sara at Sara's Organized Chaos for her video edition of Dear Sara....man I hope my lamb-whore leader (or other lamb whores) has some words for me.